A few months ago, I asked myself a long list of questions to sum up my life. I asked myself what I loved. What makes my heart beat? What is the reason I wake up in the morning and the thing that puts a smile on my face before I go to sleep? What do I constantly think about? What is the reason behind my purpose which God ordainly chose for me?
Basically all of these questions could be summed up into one question:
WHAT IS MY PASSION?
passion- the object of any strong desire
My passion, my love, and purpose is missions, specifically adoption and working with children. I’ve always loved helping and encouraging people, and I knew I was in a Christian school for a reason. I knew there was a reason I was the oldest of four. I knew there was a reason I love kids and want to give them my all. I knew there was a reason I serve in preschool. I knew there was a reason a work at a daycare with tons of kids each day.
Growing up, I always wanted to be something different. a doctor. a teacher. a singer. a writer. but whenever it boiled down to it, even as a toddler, I just wanted to be a mom. I remember when I could barely talk I would tell people I was going to adopt a little girl from China. As occupation options have come and gone, my heart’s desire is to be a mom. I want to adopt to show children the love that God showed me that even when no one wants us He does and He loves us. I want children of every skin tone and ethnicity to be mine, to have my last name. They will be equal with my biological children, grafted into my family forever- just as God took us and grafted us into His family tree because He loved us.
Whether I end up on the mission field full-time or not, God has a plan for my life, and it is to help further and multiple His Kingdom. I will either being a mom across the world sharing the Gospel with nations who have never heard it and holding orphans who yearn for God’s love, or I will be a mom stateside raising my children in the Gospel. Both are equally important and full of responsibly. Being a mom is the hardest and most important job ever.
Missions is my passion and the reason my heart beats. I wake up every day knowing there is someone out there I am awake to speak to. I go to sleep with a smile thinking of all the people I will one day meet. I yearn for countries I have never heard of and for children who are not yet born. I long for the dirty kisses of little ones who long to be loved and I want to show them that love. I constantly think of the millions of children needing my hug and yearning for the love of God that I can show them. My heart beats for them, and my heart physically aches when I think of how horrible their lives are right now. I love children, and I love children I have never met. I pray for the children out in the world now, and I pray for the parents of the children yet to be born- especially the parents of the children that will one day be mine.
That’s my heartbeat. That’s my passion.
I long to be in the dirt with poor children and I long for them to be climbing all over me covering me in slobbery kisses. I want to hold their hands as we walk down jungle paths and hold them tight during a thunderstorm. I long to call those children my own through adoption, to show them the love God has shown me.